Ignorance
by Arweyn
Summary: Tag to 1x19. My view on what should have happened after Eren freed himself from the Titan-body. Lots of hurt/comfort ensured. No slash! One shot.


**A/N: I started writing this story a year ago and forgot all about it until I was cleaning up my documents. It was almost finished so I did a quick grammar/spell check and finished it. This may explain why the story is weird and not well-executed xD**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**It's a tag to episode 1x19. And it was before I read the manga (It would be chapter 26 in that case)**

**Also, Levi will be totally OOC according to some, but I guess when I started writing it I was in some need of some Levi comfort.**

**I know it isn't great, but I still hope you enjoy!**

Eren was sat at the table and stared blankly at the large meadows that surrounded the Recon's command post. He knew his tea was getting cold but he couldn't quite care. He kept thinking about what had happened in the well only a few hours ago.

It had always worked. He would bite his hand and he would become the Titan but not this time. He had been biting and gnawing at his hands, breaking skin and tasting blood. But there was nothing, except the searing pain.

Any normal person would have given up after two tries, but then again, he was no normal human being, was he? He was an abnormality. He kept at it however, and for what? So he could live up to everyone's expectations? So that he wouldn't have to witness Captain Levi's always disappointed face?

He wanted to succeed, but the coldness settled into his heart. He was unable to become a titan.

He heard footsteps nearing and a voice bellowed:  
'Hey Eren! We're calling it quits for now.'  
A shiver rippled down Eren's back. He could already see Hanji's disappointed face. She was expecting so much of him, and he had let her down.

'Did something happen?' Hanji's voice called from above.

Eren peeked up through his brown hair and saw Levi's startled face as he saw what damage Eren had inflicted to himself in order to become a Titan. The pain must be terrible and yet it didn't work.

Eren looked up, eyes filled with despair and fear. 

'Hanji…I can't become a Titan…' he almost whispered as fresh blood dribbled down his chin.  
He saw Hanji and Levi exchanging glances and then Hanji turned around and left. 

'Eren. Can you use your 3D Maneuver Gear to get back up?' Levi called.

Eren nodded and got on his feet. He felt tired and his hands ached terribly. This day was one hell of a nightmare and he just wanted it to be over.  
He used the grapple hooks and slowly moved back up, tears welling up in his eyes, as he had to use his hands to grab the rocks in order not to fall down.

It took him quite a while to get back up and he could feel the sweat trickling down his back. He had expected to be alone but to his surprise there was suddenly a hand sticking out, offering to help him up.

Eren looked up and saw Levi who merely nodded and grabbed the bloody hand, making sure the boy wouldn't slip.

He hoisted Eren up and looked at the pale boy. His hands were bleeding profusely and they were shaking.  
Levi snorted and wiped his now filthy hand on his handkerchief. 

'Get your horse and go to the infirmary. I'll speak to you later.'

Eren nodded at the order.

' Yes, sir.'  
And then he left, shoulders drooping in defeat. 

.:.

'So your self-inflicted bite wounds on your hands aren't healing, either?' Levi's voice pulled him out of his reverie.

Eren rubbed his bandaged hands and swallowed.

'No.'

Levi stepped closer to him and looked down.  
'If you can't transform into a Titan, our main goal of sealing Wall Maria is off the table.'

Eren looked down.

'This is an order…'  
Levi turned around.

'Make it happen.'  
He then walked off, leaving Eren alone with his thoughts.

'Yes, sir.' Eren whispered, feeling scared and uncertain.

'Don't let it get you down, Eren.' Erd Gin said.

'But…'

'Well, it just means you're more human than I thought.' Auruo Bossard interrupted, his chin resting atop of his hand and looking extremely bored, as usual.

Eren looked up and frowned. Maybe he was right after all. Maybe he just couldn't do it.

'Better than rushing into something and getting killed.' Erd said again, looking at Eren with sincerity. 'This isn't meaningless.'

'Yeah…' Gunter Shulz sighed, 'we can't be too careful.'

Eren was confused.  
_Why is everyone so calm? Are they okay with me being unable to turn into a Titan?_

Eren frowned and focused back on his tea. The beverage had turned lukewarm.  
_Best to drink it now,_ Eren thought and grabbed the teaspoon.

His injured hand wouldn't have it, however. He could feel the scabs breaking open and pain spread through his hand like a wildfire. He hissed and clenched his teeth, dropping the spoon. It clattered onto the ground.

Erd looked up, a brief flash of concern flashing over his face.  
'Are you okay?' he asked.

'Yeah…'Eren murmured, dropping his hand back on the table, steadily breathing through the pain. Man…this really sucked…  
He didn't want to show weakness, so he leant over and grabbed the spoon.

As soon as his skin touched the cool metal, a spark of electricity ran through his body. The pain in his hand spiked and before he knew it, he was enveloped in a thick cloud of smoke.

When the vapor lifted the Squad could see a half-formed Titan body. Eren was desperately trying to get his hand out of the muscles and tendons. Sweat trickled down his face.

'Why now?!' he desperately ground out.

Then there was the serene voice of Corporal Levi.  
'Calm down.'

Eren turned around.

'Captain Levi! This is…' he yelled and then saw what was happening.

Levi was standing in front of Eren and the only half formed Titan body, hand outstretched, trying to get his squad do calm down.

'I said to calm down.' He spoke to his Squad that was circling Eren like dogs, swords ready for use.

'All of you…'

Eren gasped, breathing a whole lot more difficult now, whether it was from the shift or the fact that everyone was staring at him, with murder in their eyes.  
It then dawned to him that they were about to kill him…

'Eren! What is the meaning of this?' Erd shouted, daring to come a step closer with his swords raised.

Eren looked at the man.

'Sir?' He didn't quite understand what had happened himself either and his pounding head definitely wasn't helping either.

'Why now without permission? Answer me!' Erd continued.

'Erd, wait.' Levi reprimanded, brow furrowed.

'Answer him, Eren. What are you thinking?' Auruo yelled, terror clear on his face.

'No, that can wait…' Gunther spat, walking up to Eren, 'Prove you're not our enemy, humanity's enemy!'

Eren became more confused by the minute, his energy slowly draining.

'Prove it! Now! That is your responsibility!' Gunther ordered.

'I dare you to make a single move with that arm! I'll cut off your arm!' Auruo spat, his voice unsteady and wavering. Eren could tell he was bluffing.  
'I can do it…I'm serious! Want to try me?' he added, uncertainty now audible.

'Auruo,' Levi said,' I said to calm down.'

'Captain, get away from Eren!' Petra yelled. 'You are too close!'

'No. You are the ones who should get back.' Levi said. 'Get back.' he emphasized.

'Why?' Petra yelled, more concerned about Levi's well being than her own.

'My intuition.' Levi answered.

'What is wrong, Eren? Say something!' Erd bellowed.

'Like I said…'Eren tried but he never had a chance to speak, for Auruo interrupted.

'No sudden movements!'

'Prove it to me!' Gunther ordered once more.

'I said I don't understand.' Eren whimpered, his strength sapping away by the second. He needed to get free from this body. It was draining him.

'Answer us! You think we can't kill you? I'm serious!' Auruo.

'Do it now!'

Eren's heart started to speed up, the organ pounding against his ribcage.

'Are you even listening?'

His vision was tunneling and he started to feel nauseous. This situation was getting out of hand but no one gave him a chance to speak.

He closed his eyes.

'Okay let's do this! Are you humanity's-'

'PLEASE SHUT UP FOR A SECOND!' Eren yelled with all his might, adrenaline now flowing freely through his veins.

Before anyone could do or say something there was a shout.

'Eren!' Hanji ran up to him, insane excitement clear in her eyes.  
She pushed Gunther aside and cried: 'Can I touch that arm?'

'It's okay, right? Right?' she said, her passion for Titans clouding all her senses, drool dribbling down her chin. 'Just let me touch it!'

'Hanji…Wait a second!' Eren started, but the woman didn't listen, she brought her hands up to the Titan hand and pressed them down. Then there was a sizzling sound and Hanji staggered backwards, yelling.

'It's…hot!' She skidded to her knees.' Without the skin, it's really damned hot!'

'Squad leader, you are too reckless!' her assistant reprimanded, running up to her.

'Hey don't you feel it's hot, Eren?' Hanji queried. 'How does it feel where the right hand connects?'

Eren could feel Levi's gaze on him. The adrenaline had now faded and he felt so empty and hollow.

'I really want to see!' Hanji continued, eager as always.

_That's right…If I just pull out this hand…_Eren thought, feeling sweat trickling down his forehead.

He grabbed his hand and started to pull.

'Come on, stupid thing!' he hissed through clenched teeth.

He leant backwards, draining all his leftover energy in order to get free. His breath started to pick up and there was a wheezing tone to it.

'Hey Eren…don't do anything rash!' Auruo yelled.

There was a crunching noise as flesh and tendons released Eren's hand. The boy fell backwards with a cry and landed harshly on his stomach. All the wind was knocked out of his lungs, and for a moment he couldn't quite hear anything except for the rattling breath in his chest.

He clambered onto his knees, hands gripping the ground. He could feel his arms trembling as his chest heaved for breath. Why did he feel so woozy?

Despite the rushing of blood through his ears he could hear footsteps, even though they sounded distant and muffled.

'Captain…' he gasped.

'How do you feel?' the man asked, looking down at the trembling teenager. Eren's face was pasty and his whole body was shivering.

It took him some time before he could answer.

'Not…not so good…' he whispered.

'Let's get you inside.' Levi said and started to walk forwards, expecting Eren to follow on his own accord.

He knew the rest of the squad was watching him but Eren ignored it and shakily got to his feet.

He managed two steps before he wavered and stood still.

Levi turned around and frowned when he saw that the boy wasn't following. He turned back, about to manhandle him to the basement when he saw the pale lips and the heavy breaths the boy was taking.

'Hey, Eren, are you still with me?' he said and put a hand on Eren's shoulder, about to drag him along when a pair of very unfocussed, glossy eyes glanced at him before rolling up in their sockets.

Levi managed just to grab him before the boy would fall face forward onto the ground…again…

He lowered both of them to the ground knowing that the boy had passed out from massive strain and energy loss.

The Squad ran up to the both of them, but Levi raised a hand, motioning them to keep their distance.

There was a gurgle coming from Eren and Levi expected him to wake up, but instead it sounded more like Eren was chocking.  
Levi frowned and turned Eren onto his side. Immediately blood poured out of the boy's nose and trickled down onto the grass.

Levi sighed and rubbed his face. He grabbed the handkerchief that he had used to clean his hands with after he had pulled Eren out of the well, and pressed it against Eren's nostril, mindful not to cut off the oxygen.

'Erd.' Levi called out, his impassive eyes never leaving Eren's slack face.

'Yes, sir!' Erd called.

'Raise his legs.' Levi ordered and from the corner of his eyes he saw how Erd gently raised Eren's legs.

'What has happened, sir?' Gunther asked, daring to come a step closer.

'Lost consciousness due to massive strain on his body, most likely.'  
Levi placed a hand on Eren's forehead and found it to be rather hot to the touch. So turning into a Titan also caused a significant raise of temperature. He should probably tell Hanji about that.

'Auruo, go get me a wet towel. And notify Irvin about the situation.'

'Yes, sir!' the man saluted and ran towards the castle.

'We need to get him inside.' Levi sighed as he saw that Eren's nose had stopped bleeding. It was safe to carry him now.

'Gunther, Erd, help me carry him.'

Both men complied, carefully lifting Eren off the ground and carrying him towards the castle. Levi walked up front, not once looking back.

Eren never stirred, basically too tired to do anything, he was really out of it.

They moved him to the castle's basement where Eren slept. Even though Eren was probably too weak to transform again they shouldn't take any unnecessary risks.

Erd and Gunther placed Eren on the soft bed, strapping off the 3D Maneuver Gear.

'That's enough.' Levi said and stepped away from the barred window where he had been standing.

Erd and Gunther nodded and then left the basement.

Levi carded a hand through his raven black hair and walked over to the bed where Eren lied on.

Levi unbuckled the leather belts around Eren's legs and carefully took off the jacket Eren was currently wearing.  
He cringed his nose when he saw how Eren was sweating. The shirt was soaked and smeared with blood.

There was a hesitant knock on the door and Levi opened the door. Auruo was holding a bucket filled with clean water and a few washcloths.

Levi nodded and before Auruo could say anything, Levi grabbed the supplies and slammed the door shut.

Levi made short work of the shirt and pants, leaving Eren in nothing but his shorts.

'Why am I even doing this? I'm not a nurse.' Levi sneered.  
Nonetheless he dipped a washcloth in the water. He wrung the excessive water out and placed the cloth on Eren's forehead.

'You owe me massively, brat.' Levi grouched and wiped the cloth over Eren's blood-smeared face.

There was a knock on the door and Levi knew it was Irvin. The leader of the Recon group opened the door, not waiting for an answer.  
He looked at Levi and then at Eren.

'It's taking a lot out of him, isn't it?' he stated and watched how Levi cleaned Eren's face.

He wasn't surprised when Levi gave no answer. They had been over this again and again, and they had all come to the same conclusion: the shifting was taking a toll on Eren's body.

The boy was only 15 for crying out loud and already supposed to be the one who would ensure mankind's safety. It was a damned heavy burden to carry.

They had been pushing him and the kid had been trying everything in his might to live up to their expectations. Levi had heard him crying at night in the dungeon when another experiment had gone bad.

'We should cut him some slack.' Irvin commented and pulled up a chair next to the bed.  
Levi sighed.  
'We do, but you know as well as I that we have strict orders. We need to close the gap and reclaim Wall Maria.'

Irvin rubbed his face.

He watched Levi clean Eren's body and couldn't help but smile.

'You can deny all you want, but you have a knack for that kid.'  
Levi huffed.  
'He's just a brat with an attitude.'

Levi put the rag away and pulled the blanket up to Eren's chin.  
Irivn got up and looked at Levi.

'Is he going to be okay?'

Levi glanced at the boy and then returned his gaze at Irvin.  
'He will be after a while. He's just drained. If his condition worsens I'll alert the infirmary.' He shrugged.

'Will you stay with him?' Irvin asked and raised his eyebrows when Levi glared at him.

'I'm the only one who can kill him if anything goes wrong.'

Irvin nodded and opened the door.  
'I'll send someone down with dinner.'

He left the room.

Levi sighed again and sat down on the chair. This was going to be a long night.

.:.

Eren started to show signs of waking up half an hour past dinner. Erd had brought two bowls of soup with a loaf of bread. He had been worried about Eren's condition, but Levi had assured him that the 'brat' would be fine. Eventually.

Levi put his half-full bowl on the nightstand when he heard Eren choke out a sob.

The boy stirred and grabbed the sheets tightly. He was caught in the throws of a nightmare, it seemed.

Levi picked his bowl back up and continued eating.

Eren's eyes moved rapidly back and forth behind his closed eyelids and Levi frowned when a tear slid down the boy's cheek.  
'-sorry…' he muttered.

Putting the bowl back on the nightstand, Levi leant forwards.  
'Eren, are you awake?'

'-Can't…Just can't. Tired.' Eren wailed, tears streaming freely now.

'Eren, wake up. It's just a dream.' Levi sat on the bed, nudging Eren's shoulder.

'C-corporal?' Eren's eyes opened blearily. They were barely open and tears still dripped from his eyes.  
He was obviously still exhausted and not fully awake.

'I'm here, brat. How are you feeling?'

'I'm so sorry. I can't…I failed you again…' he whimpered, blinking furiously.

'What are you talking about?' Levi asked. The kid was spouting nonsense. He raised a hand and put it on Eren's forehead. He was still running a low-grade fever.

Levi grabbed the washcloth and put it on Eren's forehead.

Eren's glazed over eyes wandered through his room and in the end settled on Levi's face.  
One clammy hand desperately grabbed for Levi's hand, or something to hold on to.  
Levi sighed and grabbed Eren's hand.

'What is it you need?' he scolded, mopping away a bead of sweat that trickled down Eren's face. Or was it a tear?

Levi hated all this touchy-feely stuff, and he actually hated physical contact, of all sorts. But seeing the helpless face of his minor made him waver. It was clear Eren was in a great deal of distress, physically and mentally.

'I'm so sorry I can't…I am not strong enough…'Eren whispered. 'I keep letting you down…and it…'he closed his eyes.

'And it what, Eren?' Levi urged.

Eren's eyes slid shut.  
'It hurts…'

Levi was quiet, listening to Eren's quivering breath. From time to time a chocked sob came from Eren, but for the rest it was quiet.

After a few minutes the crying stilled and Eren's fingers, which had been clutching Levi's hand desperately, went limp. It was an indication that the boy had fallen asleep.

Levi let go of the hand and thought about what the boy had said, his soup long forgotten.

Eren did not wake but Levi couldn't claim that the sleep was restful. The boy kept twitching and muttering unintelligible words. Around nightfall he had began to sweat again and Levi wondered what it was the boy was dreaming about.

It was remarkable however, every time Eren came back from his Titan form, the boy was plagued with nightmares. But on normal occasions the boy slept well and was incredibly hard to rouse. Maybe it was something Titan-related. He would have to ask Hanji about that.

Levi's back was seizing up from sitting in the same chair for over hours. He got up and stretched his legs. Eren wouldn't wake up until morning, and if he did, he would hear it, Levi surmised and was about to leave the room when there was a wet choke.

He frowned and turned around, seeing Eren half-awake, propped up on one shaky elbow, cradling his bleeding nose. Red crimson was spilling on the white cushions. Eren was at loss and he desperately looking for something to staunch the bleeding.  
He startled when there was a floating hand in front of his fuzzy peripheral vision, holding a tissue. He took it and put it against his nose, but his strength left him, and the hand flopped back to the mattress. His body followed suit.

'For crying out loud…'a voice said and he felt two hands underneath his armpits, hauling him in a sort of sitting position. He wearily leant against something warm and firm. He wondered why he was so exhausted and why his nose was bleeding so much. It was almost funny as he watched how fast the sheets were dyed a colour red.

A hand pressed against his nose, clutching a tissue that was rapidly turning red.  
'I…I don't feel so well…'Eren whispered to whomever was with him.  
His unfocussed eyed tried to gauge who was sitting behind him, but all he could see was a mop of dark hair.  
'Mom?' Eren whispered, grasping the hand, feeling soft, warm skin underneath his bloodied fingertips.

'Mom…'m so sorry…'Eren slurred, hand falling to his lap.

'Eren. Are you with me, boy?' Levi asked, peeking at Eren's eyes, which seemed to fall close, his body getting heavier by the second.  
This was getting out of hand. The delusions, the nosebleeds…he needed to be in the infirmary.

'Irvin!' Levi bellowed when Eren lost consciousness, blood drops trickling through the cotton of the soggy tissue. There was a thud and hurried footsteps down the corridor. It was a blessing Irvin's room was only two doors further. 

The door swung open and a disheveled captain walked in. His eyes narrowed when he saw the scenery in front of him.  
'Levi? What happened?' he queried and walked towards the bed, helping Levi to hoist Eren on his feet.  
The boy's knees simply buckled, full weight resting on both of the men shoulders.

'We need to get to the infirmary now. This is worse than anticipated.' Levi grouched and dropped the soggy tissue on the floor. 'I can't get the bleeding to stop…'

The stale and metallic scent of blood wafted through the air as both men hurriedly moved Eren to the infirmary, leaving a trail of blood like bread crumbs.

.:.

Eren woke up to a faint, painful feeling in his nostrils and a queasy feeling in his stomach. The roof above him flew in and out of focus. He swallowed and noticed to his disgust that his mouth tasted vaguely like blood.

He looked around in a little bit of panic until he saw Levi sitting next to him, asleep in a chair. His head rested on his shoulder and he was slumped all the way down.

Eren frowned. Why would Levi be here? Where was he? What happened?  
He tried to pull himself up, to see some more of his surroundings, but found that he was surprisingly weak. He groaned softly.

Next to him Levi shifted and it seemed as if he noticed a pair of eyes looking at him.  
'Oi, you are finally awake. Took you long enough.' Levi said and stretched, getting rid of the kinks in his back and neck.

'Where am I? What happened?' Eren asked, looking around, fidgeting with his blanket. If Levi was here, keeping an eye on him, it surely meant something had happened.  
His muddled brain tracked back to the last thing he remembered. The well, the spoon and then…oh.

Oh. Shit. Had something happened? Had he hurt someone? Had Levi needed to subdue him? The blood drained from his face as he thought of all the things that could have happened.

'Oi brat, are you going to pass out again?' Levi asked, voice much closer to Eren than anticipated. The boy's eyes stared at the man in pure fear.  
'Did I kill someone?' he whispered.  
Levi's eyes widened.  
_So that's what is bothering him._ Levi thought. He blacked-out and can't remember if he turned and did something.

Levi shook his head.  
'No, you didn't kill anyone. You might have dented the spoon a bit…'Levi huffed and watched how the boy visibly relaxed into the pillows.

'I am so sorry, Lance Corporal.' Eren whispered, fidgeting underneath the blankets.

Levi shook his head and got on his feet.  
'Just make sure it doesn't happen again.' He muttered and got up. But before he left, he ruffled the boy's hair in a soothing gesture.

When he left he could hear the boy's indignant snort.

_Brat._

Einde. 

**A/N: I ended the story here because it seemed the best course of action. Basically this is my view on what could have happened in between Eren creating the Titan-body and Levi's speech and Hanji's explanation with the teaspoon.**


End file.
